The Duel

A fictional piece brought to you by too much Benadryl and not enough sleep. 

The attack is a total surprise, catching me off guard and I barely manage to escape a fatal wound in those first few seconds.  Groping blindly I finally find a sword in my hands and, clumsy though I am with it, I manage to hold my own for a little bit.  Sparring desperately I notice a pattern to the attacks, thrust parry thrust retreat, almost as if my opponent is giving me a chance to recover before pushing again.  Too bad I never actually have enough time to recover anything.  Equilibrium, balance, a chance to lick my wounds, nothing.  Bleeding badly I stagger on, fighting desperately and trying anything in my arsenal to hold my opponent at bay.  I scream for help, hoping someone is near enough to hear me.  In my brief moments of lucidity I realize I should have seen this fight coming, but somehow it has totally sneaked up on me, and now there is nothing left to do but attempt to muscle through.  


I realize suddenly that what I thought was a random pattern of attacks has managed to herd me into a most precarious position, right on the edge of a cliff.  Great, I think to myself, just what I need.  I try to sneak glances around me to attempt this trap I've walked right into, but there's no time.  I just keep fighting desperately, trying to avoid any more wounds.  I'm already bleeding in dozens of places, weakening me and making my reaction time slower, so its not a surprise really when i find myself balancing on the very edge of the cliff I was trying to avoid.  Sighing I wipe the sweat and blood from my brow and attempt an offensive maneuver that should give me an opportunity to retreat from the battle.  Sadly my opponent is way more skilled than I remember her being, and this gains me nothing.  "Crap"  I mutter.  I'm in for it now. Surely someone has heard me, heard this vicious battle going on?  Surely someone has heard my cries for help by now right? 


The next exchange of blows is the most brutal yet.  No matter how I attack, how a I defend, she is always right there ready to prick, ready to wound, turning my attacks to her advantage.  Finally I stand on the very brink of the cliff, teetering desperately.  I wobble wildly, hoping against hope that somehow, I can escape and survive.  Suddenly as I'm sure I'm headed over the precipice someone grabs my hand.  Then again on the other side.  I look to my left, and then to my right, and gasp with relief.  I've been heard.  Friends stand with me, Family right beside me.  Rescue is here.  Support, encouragement, and the strength to go on.  I take a deep breath and prepare to fight on, but my opponent just stands there, smiling gently.  With this group, with this support, there is no longer any need for battle, for she cannot stand against such numbers, against such love.  Without them, I am weak, outnumbered against this huge opponent, but with them, she dare not stand.   

For the support, for the love, for pulling my ass back from brink more times than I care to count, my thanks. 
Happy Mother's Day to all my moms.  I have been blessed to have so many willing to walk the path with me, and to have such a strong support network when I need it.   Love to you all. 

Happy Easter!

We had a wonderful weekend of Easter goodness.  B's parents were in town and it was lovely as always to see them.  I got to make pizza dough, and brioche dough, and a whole wheat boule for bread making.  I also roasted a duck for the first time and crockpotted a passable chicken.  My mil gifted me with a BRAND NEW set of cookware!  It doesn't get any better than that.  I no longer have to haul out the stockpot to make maccheezz because my other pot was dirty.  Yes, Until this weekend I only had two pots.  It worked.  Sorta.  The easter bunny was great to the girls and they had a wonderful time decorating easter eggs.  Gramma brought little easter egg cakes and we frosted and decorated those for dessert.  We all had a blast with that.  I sense a new tradition. 

I've been practicing more faithfully, which is excellent because this concert is going to kick my arse if I don't.  Tchaik 6 is not to be trifled with, and I really need to get a reliable reed working before rehearsal this week.  I feel more confident when I practice, and I'm getting in at LEAST one session a week on top of rehearsal, and more usually two.  That feels really good. 

Running is going ok, its been raining and cruddy all last week, and that really really made it hard to run, but I did last weekend, but not Easter weekend, so I'd like to go twice this week.  I'm thinking tomorrow and Wednesday.  Not ideal to go two days in a row, but those are my best options this week.

Things are starting to grow in my garden!  I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.  No really.  B is sick to death of me running out to the garden to check my four pea plants.  Just ask him.  Oh, wait no, I checked today and I'm up to six, two more sprouted.  So there.  Six pea plants.  SIX.  and I have a basil plant from the grocery store in my kitchen window, along with mystery seeds that Boo came home with from preschool today.

As far as preserving and baking news goes, well, there were the breads mentioned above, and a slew of cupcakes and attendant frosting.  God I love frosting.  Yum.  Buttercream take me away.  Though much as I love frosting and cake and sweets, I'm getting done with them.  I'm ready for produce from the garden.  I'm ready for salads for dinner.  I'm ready for runner beans and peas.   I did do a lovely batch of strawberry jam since my local grocery store had an insane sale on strawberries last week.  I literally bought 12 pounds of strawberries.   We ate six.  I'm not kidding.  And um, I was NOT the main devourer this time.  Maus should by all rights be red by now.  But three pounds went into a lovely basic strawberry jam.  It suffered from fruit float pretty badly, but that doesn't affect the taste or keeping qualities of the jam, just the asthetics.  The remaining three pounds were sliced and frozen and then bagged in one pound portions for use in the winter when berries are far too expensive and taste like red cardboard to boot.  I also made a batch of garlicky dill pickles from my favorite preserving blog Food in Jars. We haven't cracked those open yet, but they should be good.  Yum and garlicky, and since my kids eat pickles almost as voraciously as they eat berries, that recipe will come in handy.  And hey look!  I made a pretty link! 

Suki is settling in nicely, still puppyish, but understandably so, and within reason.  Right now she's curled up at my feet snoring and dreaming twitchy puppy dreams.  And she's still not as cute as my kids.  It's pretty amazing. 

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter!  We sure did. 

Too many hobbies too little time.

So we got a new puppy this weekend.  Boo has been begging for one since our Lady died last fall.  And suddenly I find myself trying to potty train a three month old aussie mix pup and still get everything else done.  I'm tired.  And I need to let some things go.  I have too many hobbies and not enough time right now.  So I think I'm going to have to bail on the breadmaking that I love doing.  I love long fermeting sourdough breads.  I love complex flavors and holey open crumbs and crisp crackling crusts.  But um, not happening right now.  And thats ok.  I'm ok with that.  Because I'm doing some breadmaking, just quicker breads.  No sourdoughs sadly, because I loooooovvvveee a good sourdough, but I'm doing biscuits for the beef stew I'm crockpotting today, and I did a wonderful foccacia last week that made enough to freeze half for this week.  So I'm making realistic choices and enjoying the breadmaking I can do, instead of being pouty about the recipes I can't do.  Also my inlaws are coming for Easter, and I'm totally pulling out some fun cool bread recipes for that.  :D 

I'm also having trouble getting started running again.  Suki will be an awesome running partner. . . . in about a year.  SHe's too young, and too silly on leash to be able to do that reliably with me now.  And, well, lets be honest, by the time I've gotten two kids under the age of five and a dog through the day I am wiped.  Last night I fell asleep on the couch at 830.   And then woke up this morning at 500.  Before the dog and kids.  What's up with that?  And yes, I could have gone running then, after feeding and pottying and playing with the dog.  That was just too much to contemplate too early in the morning.  I haven't figured out what I'm doing about this yet, I'm thinking that waiting till the sun is out a bit later and running between the kids bedtimes is my best bet.  I know I'll have more energy once I start running, and its great for my heart and health, so I need to just suck it up and make the time.  But its hard.

Last but not least, I haven't touched my bassoon since the last concert.  Thats really sad to me.  I love music, and I love making music.  I really need to make time for this too.  HOw and when I don't know but I need to.  It's good for my heart and health too, in a completely different way.  But just as important.

Lastly, reading and crocheting have not fallen completely by the wayside.  I have two layette sets to make before september, and I just need to do the finishing buttons on a giftie for an online friend and mail it off.  I've been reading short stories and trashy romance and young adult fiction but I love these things and they are great brain candy, so I'm happy.  I have plans to start crocheting with wire and beads this summer to intersperse with the layette sets and give myself a challenge, so I'm good there.  And there are tons of new releases this summer I'm eager to get my hands on, and I have a whole bunch of holds trickling in from the library.

So, it sounds like I just need to plan a little better for the bassoon and running.  Once a week for each of them is better than nothing.  I can do that.  Ok. This is Tuesday, and I will run once and bassoon once before next week.  I'll report back.  

Persistance and Peace

Ok.  Lets be honest.  If anyone's still reading out there its probably my mom.  Hi MOM!   Yes I brushed my teeth this morning!   Now that that's out of the way, lets delve into a few things that have been happening in my life, and a few things I'd like to write about here. 

We've all been sick.  Ranging from mild illnesses to more serious ones, over the past winter ever member of this household has been sick AT LEAST TWICE.  Including B, who never gets sick, and never gets sick to the extent he was this winter.  It's been challenging to keep up with that.  Sick people explode outwards with laundry for a radius of five miles it seems.  B does an amazing job helping out, even when sick, but man I feel like we've been fighting an uphill battle this winter.  I will be glad to let the windows open, and the spring in the door.  I hope we've seen our last of illnesses, at least for awhile.

Next, I've been cooking more at home.  Sadly with the sickies, bread baking has taken a backseat, and sourdough? HA!  My poor starter hasn't seen the light of day in months!  But thank goodness for Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day.  Using that method I still get to make bread occasionally, and I've been baking more quick breads and a spate of cakes and cupcakes for various birthdays.  I still am getting my bake on, just in different ways.  I want the kids to eat more healthy foods.  I know that we eat pretty good really, considering, but I'd like to get the girls back to the point where I'm not fighting them to eat mixed up foods, casseroles, soups.   I've started canning as a hobby.  Jams and Jellies mostly.  It has been an education.  Some batches are wonderful, some are less so.  But I am persisting. 

Persistence and Patience are a theme for me right now.  I am trying to be patience with Maus.  She's definitely getting her use out of two already.  And she's a more stubborn child than Boo was, so it takes more repetitions for her to learn that no, actually, throwing a fit, or food, or a toy, or a book, will not get you what you want.  In fact, it generally earns you a time out, or a quick trip back out to the car to cool off.  And she needs that.  She needs my persistence.  I will continue to expect age appropriate behavior and correct those behaviors that are unacceptable.  I refuse to raise brats.  This is meaning a lot of work right now.  I need to remember this, and remember that it was this way with Boo too, and be more patient with myself while in this challenging stage.  But with Persistence and Patience we will make it.  

In the coming weeks I hope to blog a little more regularly.  It helps me to get things out in the cloud.  I think I'm going to aim for once a week.  It fits nicely with my goal, which is to in some manner preserve food for future use once a week.  It can be as simple as freezing some extra from dinner, or a complex as making and par baking pizza crusts or canning some jam or pickles.  Once a week.  I can do that.  This week was the epic orange jelly that set every which way but that which I intended for it.  I had a complete range of sets from orange syrup (yummy martini though!) to orange - well, it was as hard as a rock.  I managed four pints of usable jelly after re boiling it, and one jar of syrup, and one jar of, well, I guess I might melt it and make orange chicken, or orange beef.  We'll see.  

Is it spring yet?  I can't wait to get out in my garden.  I want to plant veggies.  The girls want to play.  I'm so ready for Spring.  Here's where the Patience part comes in I guess. 

bad blogger

ok.  that didn't last long.  :D  I'm a bad blogger for not doing it yesterday, and I don't even have an excuse!  Oh well.  Onward and Upward!  Speaking of which, I ran today.  For twenty five minutes.  Straight.  I darn near fainted typing that.  Six months ago I couldn't run around the block without collapsing into a gelatinous pile of goo.  Today?  Twenty Five Minutes People!   Seriously this is huge.  I am beyond happy.  Number one I have stuck with it.  Through crazy schedules and sick kids.  Through depression and injuries.  I kept at it.  I never gave up.  I had setbacks, but I kept going.  Because this is important.  Its important to my health.  Its important that the girls see me modeling healthy habits.  And because its MY time.  And that's important too.  So.  Ahem.  GO ME!!! 

Noob Gardener

So this year was our second with veggie gardening. I did too many different things and we didn't really get a good harvest of anything. Also I put a bunch of stuff
In the ground too late. Oh well. I love my
Garden and it's fun for me and the girls. They loved eating peas and beans right off the plant. Note to self - more peas and beans next year. My tomatoes were duds. Not enough sun. Too crowded. In the ground too late. Ditto the squash. But we did great with the lettuce and we all love salads. Heh. Boo even wrote salads and tacos as two things she was thankful for. To be fair cartoons and happy meals were also on that list!

So for next year - more peas and beans. Fewer tomato plants. More space for plants. Get an herb garden dug. Those are my goals.

Blergh

Ok - so I forgot until now, but my head is pounding and I'm tired. So - uh - have a great weekend and I'll write tommorrow !

Struggling

Some days it's easy. Things fall into place, kids are well behaved, schedules align magically and life smoothly rolls along. But some days, despite best efforts - it's hard. I want to be eloquent and verbose here, but it's too hard. And I'm tired of reading about cheery moms with more time and money than sense. So here it is. I'm struggling, and it's no fun.

It takes a village.

So, I started running this summer.  I just got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  And the couch to five K program seemed like something I could do.  So I did.  And it was easy in the summer to run, which I did three times a week.  I got through five weeks of the nine week program pretty steadily.  I lost a little bit of weight too, which was nice.

But fall came.  The days are shorter, and it gets dark when I have time to run.  Our schedules are waaay busier, and I am too tired in the evenings to think about running.  Luckily one of my neighbors noticed my dilemma and offered a solution.  So once a week, usually on Tuesdays but not always, Miss C comes and sits with my girls while they nap.  And I?  I am able to run.  It is wonderful. Progress has been slow though.  Illness and scheduling have eaten into my routine.   Since the beginning of October I have not completed ONE WEEK in the couch to five K.  I am STILL stuck on week six.  And ya know what?  I'm ok with that.  It's not a race.  :D  I am lowering my expectations.  My goal is to run twice a week now.  Once, on whatever Day Miss C and I come up with, and once on the weekends.  So far I've been ok about keeping up. 

Knowing that someone else is interrupting her schedule to sit with the munchkins while I run is a great motivator.  Also a great stress reliever.  The girls (maus especially) are just not at an age when I can leave them alone for long enough to run.  And it is important that I do this.  It is important to my health, and it makes a difference in my energy levels.  I look forward to the solitude and music.  I look forward to achieving that little bit extra that I didn't last time out.  Running a bit faster, a bit farther, being a little bit less out of breath or less sore the next day.  So it is worth it to carve out this time, and I'm lucky I live in a neighborhood where if you don't ask for help, people offer it regardless.  It does indeed take a village.  And what a great village I live in. 

Challenging Days

The first Wednesday of every month B has a meeting in the evenings.  It runs until after both girls are in bed most of the time, so I am the main parental unit for the whole day on those days.  This isn't really a big deal, he takes the "night shift" on days when I have rehearsal, and that's every week, not just once a month.  However, when you're staring two kids under the age of five in the face all day long, it can be daunting.  I look forward to B coming home.  Just the presence of another adult in the house is reassuring.  Yes. I know how to take care of my girls, and I do a damn fine job of it most of the time.  But this gig is draining.  And on the days when he works late?  It shows.  More tv is watched.  More junk food is consumed.  Expectations need to be lowered.  I feel like such a cop out writing this.  Single mothers around the globe are looking at me in disdain right now.  But this is how it is, and this is how it works in our house.

Take today for instance.  B's meeting + preschool day + one car = a tight schedule that takes nap time and employs extreme defenestration.  Both girls did the dreaded sleep in the car nap, which is a true harbinger of doom in our house.  Sorry girls, but 20 minutes of nap in the car while mamma's driving does not equal nap time.  Momma needs this break.  So, we unloaded the girls and gave B hugs and kisses pleaded with him to stay please for the love of god stay,   and then the girls had to have quiet time.  Boo was more than willing, tired as she was from preschool.  Maus?  Are you kidding me?  Time to partAAAYY!  She's currently in her crib throwing the mother of all temper tantrums.  Boo is probably passed out and oblivious, or playing quietly in her room like she's supposed to.  That's the difference between these two.  Boo bends to the rules or dodges them artfully so as to minimize the ill effect.  Maus?  Um.  Bull. China shop.  Brick head.  Wall.  You get where I'm going with this. These girls are as different as night and day, and while that's incredibly cool, it's sorta challenging at times.

So after the disaster of quiet time both girls will be more needy and clingy tonight.  They will both want my attention at once and fight with each other to get it.  Maus will want to play rough to keep herself awake, and Boo will get whiny and demanding.  I'm hoping to channel their frustrations into some paints time after quiet time, and maybe a walk around the block depending on what time I let them out of purgatory quiet time.  I'm beginning to learn that they and I deal with this time of day better when we have something a little more structured than TV to do.  Paints.  Coloring.  Worksheets. Walks or playing outside.  Sometimes reading books, but sometimes that backfires, I dunno why.  So we'll try some of these things and see how it goes.  Also?  I'm learning that my afternoon cup of tea is JUST as critical as the morning one or I get seriously cranky too.  And cranky kids + cranky mom = baaaad situation.  Here's hoping putting all this out on "paper" will help me actually do these things instead of opting out because I'm too tired, to lazy, what have you.

Day two and I almost forgot!

So it's day two and I almost forgot to blog.  Sheesh.  The girls are being handfuls today, and I really needed to take some chill time during nap time, which is my designated blog, crochet, practice, whatever time.  So.

I did crochet today, and I've been working on lots of projects.  I've had a spate of friends and acquaintances get knocked up recently, and I've been making baby blankets and baby sweaters like mad.  I just finished two adorable baby sweaters for my friend who is due with twins, and a blanket for a friend of my dads.  I have a baby blanket on the hook for a friend due in early January, and a hoodie for Boo for Christmas.  I try not to do too many crocheted gifts for Xmas, B is kinda weird about it, and I have eyes way bigger than my hooks for how many projects I can reasonably get done before Xmas.  I tend to start small, "oh I 'll just do Boo's hoodie" and then it escalates "oh and I'll just do crocheted snowflakes for stocking stuffers, and crocheted gift tags, and plushies for all the little kids and "  and then my brain explodes in a smoking pile of goo.  I always find just one more thing I want to make.  The girls need slippers.  The girls need mittens.  Wouldn't it be nice to make hats for everyone?  But I can only do so much, and I don't have time to crochet seven hours a day.  So.  I just finished some slippers for Boo.  I need to get white and black yarn, because I'm making character slippers from yo gabba gabba at her request.  I want to do a pair of Elmo slippers for maus, because once I have the black and white yarn I already have more red.  I might to something for B, which I'm not saying in case he actually reads the blog.  :D  But other than those things and the sweater and blanket, that's it.  I know, right?  Tons to get done before Xmas.  But oh well.  I enjoy it, its something to do that keeps my hands busy and creates nice things to give and keep.  I just finished a sweater I'd been working on for literally two years a couple months ago, a lovely blue cardi.  I intend to make a short sleeved version for myself for summer sometime after the new year.  Maybe get some lovely artisan yarn.  That's the next thing I'd like to do, start using really good quality yarns for my projects.  I'd also like to do a ripple blanket to use up some of the odds and ends I have in my stash.  Again that must wait till after Xmas.  Lots going on in crochet world for me.  Oddly I find crocheting a seasonal habit.  I ignore it in the summer and pick it up again in fall and winter. 

Can I blog every day? Lets find out, shall we?

So.  It's November.  And supposedly there's this thing where you are supposed to write or blog every day?  NaNoWriMo?  Something like that?  And I've been a total blogging slacker.  So. Uh, sure, I'll play.  :D  Let's see how this goes shall we?  First off.  I'm going to list the topics I'll blog about for the month.  As many as I can think of.  And you all can leave suggestions in the comments for any I leave blank.

1. Perfume
2. crocheting - current projects
3. dealing with the girls all day when B has late meetings
4.  running
5. busy schedules with preschool
6. what worked in the garden this year and what didn't
7. meal planning
8. crock pot cooking
9.  All about Me
10. All about Boo
11. trying to cook healthy
12. Trying to maintain healthy attitudes towards food
13. struggles with petite sizing - aka I'm short.
14. struggles with footwear and plantar faciitis
15. bread baking
16. favorite author
17. why is the list always longer than the day?
18.
19. Current Book
20. All about Maus
21. Favorite iPhone apps
22.Favorite piece of classical music
23.
24.Favorite singer non classical
25. being thankful for what I've got
26.
27. freezer canning
28.
29. All About B
30. did I do it every day?  did it change me?  how? 

OK that's what I've got.  Make sure you post in the comments for ideas about those four empty days ok?


Now on to perfume.

I read the perfume posse blog.  Its on my sidebar of blogs I read. I love the writing, and they have taught me so much about perfume.  Witty and insightful, always willing to laugh at themselves and the absurdity of life, this is a Must read in my feed reader.   And so, when they challenged their readers to committing to one scent for an entire week I was game.  Now, let me preface this by saying.  I am a perfume noob.  Total.  Noob.  I enjoy the idea of luxury fragrances, and the mystique of the perfume industry, but my budget is way more in line with B&BW than Chanel or Guerlain.  So my scent for the week is Victoria's Secret Dream Angels Divine.  I have loved this scent for awhile, and I have a half bottle of it that I'd like to use up.  I am a sporadic fragrance wearer, and I'd like to be more regular about it.  These goals are combined for this week long challenge.  And so, of course, today I wake up with allergies raging madly.  Sigh.  So here it is, two o clock, and me still in my jammies and unscented.  Oh well, I'll spritz some on in a little bit.   The notes are lotus, lily, rose, amber and blond woods.  Its a light scent very feminine, and I like it a lot.  Its one I don't have to think about. So that's what I'm wearing.  I've been ordering samples a lot, and I like that.  I like trying different scents, but eventually I'd like to pick something for my signature scent.  I have several contenders and I might end up getting a few different bottles, but for now, that's just not possible.  Plus I have lots of samples to enjoy first! 

This job rocks

You know - being a SAHM is hard. Harder than my day job was for sure. It is isolating, frustrating, and can be extremely thankless. But seriously? It also rocks. I have the luxury of staying home with my girls. I watch them grow every day. We color, bake bread and go to the park. I get to see the cute smiles, the first new steps or words, the new milestones. I get to watch maus devour a pb&j after a week of piss poor appetite. I get to sit with her at lunch and wonder what she's staring so intently at as she devours said sammich. I get to help maus walk down stairs and watch boo try the big girl swings. This job rocks. The dishes can wait.

Yes, I am that Hippie Mom. Sorry.

I like to bake.  Bread specifically.  I don't remember what started me on this journey, but its been darn tasty.  I don't mind baking cakes and sweets when the occasion calls for them, but there is something very viscerally satisfying about sawing through a crusty loaf fresh out of the oven, the steam still rising from the loaf, the yeasty aroma wafting in your face as you inhale.  And then taking that first bite.  The "OMG is it decent?  It smells good, it looks good, but does it TASTE good?" bite.   Crunchy crust, soft creamy crumb, almost melting the mouth, but a decent amount of chew on the back end.  The lovely tang from sourdough?  God I love that.

 I love taking a handful of humble ingredients and elevating them to something approaching art.  I love the tactile sensation of a good dough under your hands.  And the fact that you KNOW its a good dough, just because of how it feels.  I love taking that dough and making something unique and delicious out of it.  I love taking that dough and throwing whatever I have in the pantry freezer or garden and making something completely different.  I love knowing exactly what I'm feeding my kids.  Exactly what goes into this bread, and exactly what does NOT.  I love knowing that Boo knows how much work it is to make bread, and still wants to help.  I love that she will have this to look back on as time with her Momma.  I enjoy finding new recipes to try, and I enjoy making riffs on recipes that I've already done.  I rarely have any loafs that are inedible, and each one is a learning experience.  I love talking with B about what we like and don't like about the various iterations.  I enjoy the fact that we can be so candid about this - without egos or hurt feelings.  This is important for the girls too, to see that something can be talked about in both positive and not so positive terms, and its ok.  Its ok for the bread to be awesome, but its ok for the bread to be not so great, and we can learn from it either way.

Finding Time to Practice

I like to plan.  Those of you who know me well are rolling on the floor laughing your butts off at that sentence.  Saying I like to plan is like saying the Pope is Catholic, or the ocean is wet, or beaches are sandy.  I exsist, therefore I plan. 

I am beginning to think that this is why I struggle to practice - when I'm not actively taking lessons that is. And I'm highly unlikely to find random 100$ bills in the couch to pay for lessons.  Yes.  They're that expensive.  I practiced alot when I was in grad school.  Not 8 hours a day practice, like some of my classmates, but I logged a decent number of hours.  But after grad school, and a year of dissapointing auditions, I fell off the praciting bandwagon.  I had wagon tracks permantly tatooed on my back.  I would start up, vow to keep it up, and fall off again about two weeks in.  The only things that kept me practicing regularly were sints as a teacher, and the community orchestra I played for.  This is key.  I need goals.  A concert, a lesson, a recital.  Without goals, how can I plan?  And without a plan how can I exsist?  And, sadly, I'm only sorta kidding here. 

This summer, a friend and I vowed to get together and play.  We've done it once.  She's called me a couple times to reschedule, and we're gonna play again in a couple weeks.  My crazy life precludes anything sooner right now, and truthfully, I don't want her to know how bad I probably sound right now.  I will get back in shape.  I will not attend the first rehearsal of the season with dread because I know I have no endurance left.  I downloaded an app for my phone which is supposed to help me plan my practice.  If I can find time to run, I can find time to practice.  If I can find time to devour three books a week, I can find time to practice.  If I can find time to bake three loaves of bread in a day, I can find time to practice.  If B can find time to program (for FUN????) an hour EVERY.  DAY?  I can find time to practice a couple times a week.  In grad school I practiced four hours a day most days, and at LEAST an hour every single day.  The only way I could accomplish that now is if I could strap the kids to the couch, and, apparently that's frowned upon.   Just because I can't devote that kind of time to it right now is no reason to skive off completely.  Much can be accomplished in half an hour.  I need to remember that.  And Auntie L?  Don't kill me in a couple weeks, ok?  :D

As a Mom, even one without a car, there are days where I feel like I am running from the time I get up to the time I collapse in bed at night.  There are however, things that I've discovered along the way that help me out.  Things that make life a little bit easier.  Not all of these are material things, but mostly thats what I'm gonna talk about today.  Many of my friends are either Moms, Soon to Be Moms, or entering the phase of their lives where they are thinking about being moms.  I do NOT claim to have found the best of what's out there, but I would like to share a couple things that I dearly love.  And we'll see if I can figure out how to link pictures in a post eh?  Double challenge!  Write coherently AND post pics. 

First things first.  You got kids?  You got poop.  Or pee.  Or both.  and you need to deal with it.  These things make changing diapers less horrible for us.

This is Diaper pod.  Well, we call it Diaper Pod.  Seriously the best travel changing pad ever.  Comes with a wipes container, big enough for a toddler change, and has very useful well thought out features.  We take this thing everywhere we go.






Next up, another Munchkin Product.  And no, they don't pay me or give me anything, I just like their stuff.

This.  Is.  DIAPER DUCKIE! Diaper duck will take your nastiest diapers and render them unsmellable.  Even after a day in a hot car in the sun.  That unsmellable.  Yes.  We know this from experience.  Yes its gross.  So is having kids sometimes.  Get over it.  Diaper Duckie is also handy for those, "oops I didn't make it to the potty" wet or smelly clothes.  If its wet and smelly, put it in one of these bags.  If the kids are bored and fractious, let them play with the duck.   Its a multitasker! 





Ok, now that we've got the poop under control (yeah right), what about the input?  I have tried dozens (and I do mean dozens just ask my husband) of sippy and straw cups.  Again, Munchkin has the best.  They don't leak (unless the inner seal pops out) they are resistant to being chewed on, the parts are simple and they go in the dishwasher, though after awhile the design does wear off from dishwashering.

We have both the Dora and Spongebob ones, and the tops and seals are completely interchangeable, despite being bought literally years apart.  We've had the Spongebob ones for about two years, and they are still the most leak proof cups in the house.

I also really like The First Years Take and Toss cups.  Definately not as leak proof, but sometimes that's ok,




Now that drinks and butts are taken care of, lets talk for a minute about other things that make life with kids easier. 

Constantly packing snacks.  The days when I don't plan for snacking these girls, it's like I've been thrown to the wolves and ripped apart limb from limb.  It might just be my kids, they would graze all day if I let them, but I don't think so.  So, always having a supply of something on hand really helps me avoid meltdowns.  When I was nursing it was easy, whip out a boob and there ya go.  Instant snack.  With bottles it was a little more involved, what with the formula and the water and whatnot.  Still though, once my babies were done with the bottle or boob, I had a hard time remembering that they needed to eat more often.  I still forget sometimes.  Yes.  I suck.  I know.  I'm starving these kids.  Let me show you Maus' rolls.  Girl can Tank. UP.  But it's easier with the toddler snacks that are on the market now.  Here are a few of my favorites.

Puffy Noms we called them.  The sweet potato flavor was so good we'd eat just as much as the kids.  Great for little ones just starting on solids.  A note though, these are NOT mess free.  You will find puffy noms in the MOST disturbing places.  Trust me.  They stick to EVERYTHING.  But hey, good, portable, cheap, healthy, easy to eat snack. 

Along the same lines as the Puffy Noms above, these are in yogurt form.  The mixed berries were good, but the peach ones?  Yeah, it was often one for baby two for mom with those things.  Again, NOT mess free, have a wipe handy, but dang.  So. Good. 



So we've discussed snacks, drinks and butts.  Why am I not breaking out the big guns?  Car seats? Strollers? Slings?  Well, because i'm not God.  I don't have all the answers, and I'm not particularly happy with all the choices we've made in those areas.  For example, the best sling I used for Maus was the scarf that came free with my 8$ dress from the Gap.  I liked the Snugli we had, liked it a lot, and Boo went with me everywhere in that thing for nearly a year, but Maus never liked it.  She loved the scarf though.  I liked our first stroller with Boo, an Evenflo, but I carried groceries in it back and forth for six months and broke the wheels.  I like the stroller we have now for Maus, a Graco, but the sunshade is essentially useless.  Also this post is already long enough.  :D 

There are tons more things that make my life easier, like my iPhone and my husband.  Not in that order.  :D  Having a sense of humor helps.  Even if I lose it from time to time. 

Patience.  This one I need to work on.  I have been told by others that I'm patient, but man it's hard to see that, and  I do not feel patient at times.   Like when Boo comes downstairs nekkid for the THIRD TIME because she can't find her panties, wants to show us her ghost friend, can't find pirate skirt, et cetera et cetera. 

My crazy life

So - the last few weeks have been crazy ones. We went home to Iowa to baptize Maus and have a vacation. Lady took a turn for the worse during that and I had to come home and have her put to sleep. July is filled with reunions and parties and get togethers with friends and family. And I? I am trying not to go pear shaped. Well. More pear shaped. In every possible way. This next week I'll do a more detailed post. I'd like to find an iPhone app that doesn't suck - for blogging - but I'm not seeing anything that doesn't cost like ten bucks. And seriously ? At ten bucks the thing should damn well type my post, deliver my iced tea and change Maus' stinky diaper.

Making time to be a Musician as well as a Mom.

I had arranged with a good friend - Maus' Godmother - to get together for a reading session.  She is a gifted pianist who teaches at a local area Y (No Boo, NOT the K, the Y!!) and we have worked together in the past.  This summer we decided to make a regular rehearsal session a priority for both of us.  It'll be good for both of us to play over the summer, and since she's a stickler for intonation (how not as a pianist - she's always "right"!)  it will be very beneficial for me, out of tune schlump that I am.  :D 

So her studio at the Y has a childcare drop in center, very reasonably priced.  We get there and head down to the playroom - full.  Waiting list full.  No chance in hell are these girls gonna fit in this space full.  So - we regroup.  There is another studio with a smaller piano, but more space for all four of us, and we head up there.  Boo is fascinated by the sights along the way - Look Momma, a pool!  Can we swim? Look Momma, they're doing stretches, can I ?  Look Auntie - they're RUNNINNG!!!! Maus just clings to Auntie and keeps an eagle eye on me to make sure wherever we're going I end up there too.   :D  We reach the studio and break out the snacks.   Nothing like fruit snacks to dispel any lingering resentment at being shown a room full of toys and kids and being told you can't play.  Auntie breaks out the wipeboard and magnetic letters and we're off. 

We manage to get quite a bit of work done around diaper changes, snack requests, and meter feeding runs.  The girls manage to amuse more than annoy, and we all adjourn to a local noodle shop for lunch.  This could not have been possible with less than well behaved children.  We had reasonable expectations, paused to give them the attention they needed, and made it clear when we were working.  And they respected that for the most part.  There were some hilarious moments too.  Maus clearly felt the Rachmaninoff was superior to the Vivaldi, and made sure Auntie and I knew it.  Boo declared herself our de facto conductor (and admitedly I needed one!) trying to beat time with a pencil we gave her and declaring it was "My Turn to Practice NOW".  Auntie did give her a short piano lesson during a meter feeding run, and she had a blast. 

The point I'm making here is, let your kids know when it's your time, and when it's theirs.  My music is important to me.  My girls know this.  They are not allowed to touch my instrument or its accessories without permission and supervision.  This is a hard and fast rule.  They are not to interupt me if I'm practicing unless absolutely necesary.  Bassoon time, is Momma time.  Now, this usually isn't a big deal because I usually practice when they're napping or B is home, but these rules are standard at our house.  If my girls hadn't been used to that, this might have been a nightmare.  Instead they were well behaved for the most part.  Nobodys perfect, and certainly my girls aren't, but today has been a big ego boost to me as a Mom.  And as a musician.  Playing with Auntie L is one of the funnest things in the world.  We laugh, we screw up, we rehearse, and we make each other play better.  And the fact that we did it with two critics - I mean kids - in the room made it even more fun.  I can't wait for our next session.  I better make some new reeds and practice before then though!

I said this would happen!

So - I said I would neglect this blog. And lo, it has occured. And so, I will try to do better. But I won't garauntee anything. So - I'm working on a post about my favorite things as a mom, and one about crocheting. You should see these soon. Snort. Yeah right. If the geriatric dog and toddler ever take a break from pooping!

Good Enough

So our orchestra had a concert this last weekend. It was the last concert of the season, and was packed with major literature. Every piece had something in it that would be found on bassoon audition lists. The most vexing of these was the Ravel Piano Concerto. This excerpt is wicked. Wicked. Luckily our conductor had a modicum of self preservation and let us know he'd scheduled it at the end of LAST season.

So.

I've been practicing this excerpt for a year. Which is a long time for me. And I STILL screwed it up in the concert. Luckily I didn't completely fall apart, nor did I take down the entire section. THANK you BETH, you were a rock. But it brought home a problem with my preparation technique that my teachers have been trying to tell me for years. I only practice to sufficiency. In other words, I only practice until its "good enough". And for the Ravel, good enough is NOT good enough. A minor twitch in tempo was enough to throw me off. And it shouldn't have been. In fact, for any audition excerpt, good enough is not good enough. Nerves get in the way. Reeds get temperamental. Tempos fluctuate. And good enough in the practice room is not the same as good enough on stage.

This also makes me wonder about other areas of my life that I prepare to "good enough". Is "good enough" parenting ok? What about being a "good enough" wife? Friend? Relative? Christian? When is "good enough" NOT good enough? Tell me about a time in your life when good enough wasn't. Or when you think good enough is ok. Either way.